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Tuesday, May 20, 2014

For Hal on His Birthday

If you are a close friend of mine you know that I lost my husband on May 2. He passed away from heart failure. His heart just stopped. For those of you following my blog this year you know too that he had pneumonia six times in four months and he kept getting weaker. The doctors did all they could to save him, but he wasn't able to rally. I have been in mourning all this time and I would not be posting now if not for the fact that today was his birthday and it was my usual custom to write him a birthday poem. So here it is:

Birthday Cake in Heaven - For Hal on what would have been his birthday

Today was your birthday
and you were not here to
though if you had been here
you would probably have said
no I don’t want cake for you
were not one for birthdays
It was always I who splurged
and went big on birthdays
decorating your chair and 
having a birthday morning
with presents and soft kisses
with your favorite breakfast
food in front of you
and as you ate your eggs
and read your cards we waited
for your smile for that was our
goal when we were around you
That smile healed all and we 
cherished it when it came
and at night the usual cake 
with the Happy Birthday words
and again your smile as you
accepted a piece and we knew
although you protested your
smile showed how much it
mattered to you
Now I wonder, are you having
birthday cake in heaven?
Are you making friends or
did you meet your parents
and is your mother smiling at
you as you shovel in the last
bite of cake?

copyright 2014 by Barbara Ehrentreu

I want to thank anyone who posted anything to help me get through those horrible first days. Specifically, Pearl Ketover Prilik who started a page called Virtual Shiva for Harold Ehrentreu. There I found beautiful photos of food and places and poems and words of sympathy. People came and virtually sat with me and held my hand over the internet. There are no words to express how comforting this was. I met some new people who were generous and sweet. 

There is a deep hole of sadness inside me and I imagine it will remain there for a long time, but I am starting to get back into the world again. My husband wanted us to start living life as soon as possible. He was a confirmed atheist and didn't believe in organized religion at all. He lived life on his own terms and we hope to bring his ashes to the sea when the weather permits. 

I don't know when I will post again, but until the next time, I hope you are all enjoying the spring weather. 
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