Passover Thoughts

Passover cupcakes from Crumbs from: http://thedailytruffle.com/2010/03/unleavened-passover-cupcakes/

It's kind of hard to have a seder without a table. But we did make an effort. No we didn't go through the Passover story, because we'll do that tomorrow night. So I went for making a brisket for dinner. We had to eat on our laps, but we used real plates and not paper (This makes it a real occasion.) I used a Kosher wine to braise it in and my new Slow Cooker - Crockpot. It was a great recipe and I got it on the internet. Everyone loved it.:)

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Cut to the next night:

We left plenty of time to get to Manhattan from Stamford. But when we got outside the weather was so bad we wondered why we were going anywhere at all. Rte. 95 seemed okay and we moved through the various feeder highways until we got to the Saw Mill River Parkway. Just the name should tell you that there might be a problem with this highway during a rainstorm. It is almost always closed for flooding. I wonder why.:) The river runs parallel to it and overflows its banks almost constantly. We got onto it and it was deceptively empty. Thinking that it was that people were avoiding it due to the weather we pressed on and drove at a pretty good pace until we hit a huge traffic jam. There seemed to be no reason for it, but there was one of those arrow trucks pointing to the left. I thought it was only moving us over a lane, but when we got to the source of the arrow we saw orange cones across the entire roadway both North and South. The stream of traffic showed us that we were going to be stuck in this mess if we went that way. So of course, we didn't. We just went back onto the other side of the road, which was open, and we found our way to another of the ways to get to Manhattan.

The thing about living up here is that there are so many ways you can get to Manhattan. What you want to do is avoid unnecessary traffic usually going toward the George Washington Bridge. It's inevitable that you will run into traffic somewhere on your route no matter which way you go. There are always accidents that will slow down traffic and tonight was no exception. My husband said to me, "Call your brother and tell him we'll be there any minute." But he didn't account for the the accident on our right that slowed traffic. By that time we were about an hour late for the seder and we still needed to get off the highway and go cross town.

The good part is that we did get there and we did have a seder tonight. We don't follow the whole traditional way, but we do adhere to some traditions. It's not like when we went to seders at my mother's house or when we went to my aunt's house later. Those were more formal with hordes of children and adults. One seder in particular stands out in my mind.

I had been living in Buffalo, NY for a few years since my husband was going to Law School and I had a job teaching there. We had just decided we wanted to try having children and I wanted to go down for Passover and see my family. My husband couldn't get away, so he stayed up there and had a makeshift seder with his friends involving fish sticks and other non-seder items. Being with my family was lots of fun and I remember spending time with my dad alone. He seemed a little less energetic than usual and I worried about him. On the night he took me to the airport as he was getting my suitcases out of the trunk he hit his head and I got a strange vibe - as if this were the last time I would see him. A few days after my visit I got an early morning call from my mom telling me that my dad had passed away. In his typical feeling that he didn't want to bother anyone he had gotten up in the middle of the night to change his pjs, since they were soaked and then lay back down in bed. He never woke my mom to tell her something was wrong. Instead she woke up and found him unresponsive. My husband and I caught a plane to NY to be with my mom and family and for my dad's funeral.

Jewish people have a custom called "sitting shiva" after the body is buried and for days afterwards you stay in one house and all you can do is sit, talk or eat. You are mourning, so it isn't fun. In fact, it is the opposite of fun, though there is sometimes a party atmosphere. People bring food over and send food all the time. You find that there is no place to put anything and if you are the ones sitting shiva you are responsible for serving the food and keeping it fresh. Usually the principal mourners do not do much work. You sit on cardboard boxes or straight chairs when people are there. But you have a lot of time to eat, too. I kept eating and eating and was always hungry. I thought something was wrong. So when I got back to Buffalo I checked on it and found I was pregnant.:) My dad wasn't there to share my joy, but I had given him an indication that I might be getting pregnant that last night that I saw him. Unfortunately, this baby was not to be, and it would take seven more years until I got pregnant again.

But every Passover I think of him and wish that he could be here to enjoy my two grandchildren and my brother's three. We always remember him in some way at every seder. This year we talked about how he used to follow the seder to the letter including the parts where you have to wash your hands and say a blessing. My mother is gone too, and it's been years since we lost my dad. Yet they both remain with us. Tonight my brother made my mom's matzoh balls. He knew her secret and I wondered how I could have missed it. I won't tell, because that is what a secret is.:)

My children will probably not observe the holiday as we did, but at least they will know their tradition and see the progression of family that brought us to where we are today.

One other thing. If you missed ordering the Passover cupcakes from Crumbs you can get them until April 20th. But they are not Kosher for Passover. Who cares? They are delicious and much better than any of the ersatz cake you can eat from anywhere else. At least they don't have any flour so if you aren't really observant dig in and enjoy.:)

Until the next time, Happy Passover to all who celebrate it and good luck with eating the matzoh. I made matzoh brie today and plan to make a few new recipes that are definitely not the usual Passover fare. Can you believe lasagna with matzoh?

April is bringing a guest author, Eric Luper, author of Bug Boy, who will be here to tell us all about himself and his new book coming in June, Seth Baumgartner's Love Manifesto. I will also be reviewing it soon. Eric is going to be on my April show too. More about that later. If I don't get back on, Happy Easter to all those who observe that too.

Poem A Day - Poem for April 14, 2009

Passover is finally ended and we celebrated by going to Crumbs bakery and getting cupcakes. If you have a Crumbs near you, you have to go and sample at least one cupcake. I know you won't be able to resist when you see things like S'Mores and Hostess cupcakes all delicious and made from natural ingredients. Check out the website to see for yourself.

Sorry to be posting so late for yesterday, but it was too late to post and I had too much to do today. It was my day to call a few places. First I called Electrolux. We bought a stick vacuum from them and it works on a 9.5 volt battery. So Electrolux sent us a letter stating that certain serial numbers were being recalled. The battery causes a fire!! So I checked and of course we had one of these disastrous models. So Electrolux, a company which has always meant quality to me, was super nice. Of course, they have to be. They probably had some very irate customers when that happened to them. They are sending me a box to send them back just the handheld part and they are going to replace it for me.:) I'm just glad they are, since this vacuum has never been great when you use it with the stick. When you use only the hand held part it works much better. But isn't that a Dust Buster? I liked the stick because you didn't have to bend down. We'll see how it works with the new model. :)

The second thing I had to do was call the furniture store where we bought our sofa about seven or eight years ago. The sofa cushions due to my overweight husband sitting on them have become ridiculously low and uncomfortable. So I had to tell them and they're getting back to me with an estimate. If it is too high I'm going to go to one of those hobby stores and stuff them myself.:)

Enough about my domestic woes. But I do want to update you on the mattress situation. I didn't want to post about this until it had come to an end and I think today with the third and last mattress shipment it has finally ended and my daughter will not need to exchange it again. Here is the history for anyone who doesn't know about this. I spent a lot of time describing this experience. In the past two weeks we had another mattress delivered, which had another imperfection and it was taken today and replaced with the third and last mattress. So my daughter let the delivery guys go after she has inspected the mattress and then she finds a tiny part of the binding is a little uneven. But she's not exchanging it for that! Thank goodness. :) So I can safely say that the Sleepy's mattress saga is over!!! Yay!!! I now feel like a mattress expert.:)

Here is my poem for April 14, 2009, yesterday, Tuesday. The prompt was to write a Love poem and an anti-Love poem. Go to Poetic Asides with Robert Brewer to see the prompts and post your own. Here are both of them. I gave them to my husband, but since they can't be eaten or used as money he had very little to say about them.:( I'm actually pretty happy with them. Please let me know what you think.

Love

The moment I fell in love

No one prepared me for
The moment when all reason
flew away and logic dissolved
A wanton unknown girl
emerged as your lips touched mine
and your mouth formed an allegiance
as mine surrendered engulfed by
those two soft soldiers who
pressed their flesh onto my soul

I knew when you held me close
and I wanted to melt into you,
this was destiny
planting its mark on my lips.

anti - Love

Do you still love me?

We’re older, larger,
Not babies floundering in the
throes of love
But you have forgotten why
we chose to spend this life
together

You rail at me and expect another person
Someone who you’ve never seen or met
in this familiar body
A woman who is not the me you wanted
When we were in our twenties
exploring the magic thread we found
between us

Your tirades rip apart that thread little by little
Until there is only a skein connecting us
Yet you persist with a dour look
Thinking enough anger will break it entirely
then you will be free
Untethered from the unwanted
desires you can no longer fulfill
and you won’t need to look in
my face and see the years
you refuse to accept in your own

You bellow trying to destroy it
entirely hoping the pain of lost
virility will ease and we will be
back to the couple we once were
clinging to each other safe in our
interlocked arms.

I go through the motions
Hoping the boy I knew might
return in a glance for a few minutes
Knowing the man I knew lays
dormant inside the monster
you want me to believe you’ve
become and peeps out every
now and then for strangers and clients.

It is very hard to keep pretending
And each day your voice reminding
me of my lack of work and your dwindling
bank balance drive us further apart
until ignoring me becomes a gift
Freedom from your microscopic gaze

I’ve told you I miss the we of us
You’ve used that to wrench open
my heart as if my words were light
snow falling upon your ears
as you trod upon my feelings hoping to
stamp out the last flames of my lifelong
love for you that transcends illness and
goes beyond your bloated body filled with
Illness and marked with scars.

Go ahead and pull the threads apart
Sever the connection we’ve treasured
for so long as you concentrate on
the disgust you feel for me
Remember once you break the magic
circle the demons can rush in and
I will fly away
Floating in the sorrow of broken love.
copyright 2009 by Barbara Ehrentreu

I will be posting my poem for today on a separate post. In the interest of keeping my posts a little shorter.:) Please leave a comment. They are like my applause.:) Thank you to my readers. Until the next time, hope you all have a great day!

Poem A Day - Poem for April 6, 2009

Today I actually wrote two poems, because I wrote one in anger and realized it was too personal to post. So I wrote another one that I posted on Poetic Asides with Robert Brewer. There are probably over six hundred fifty poems on there. Way more than last year!

Here is the prompt for today:

"I want you to write a poem about something missing. It can be about an actual physical object or something you just can't put your finger on (like "love" or "the spirit of Christmas" or something)." (from Poetic Asides with Robert Brewer).

Some of the poems were amazing. You should go to this website and just read the poems. Some of them tear out your heart!

Here is mine. I have to say that this was not easy to write and I probably should have written something a little lighter, but this is what I wrote. I have linked

some of the words you might not know for people who are not familiar with Passover and Jewish customs at Passover:

A Passover seder table

Empty Seats

by Barbara Ehrentreu

The last seder with Dad we set

the table in the dining room
with your embroidered tablecloth
stitched with intricate flowers

(that is now mine).Dad sat at the head.
We and our cousins, still in our teens
and twenties mocking his serious tone as he
kept a straight face amid

the laughter and joking.You played along

shushing us as if we were kids

at the kids table

We laughed at the archaic words –

seeing sexual innuendos in bible

language translated by well meaning
matzoh companies in free haggadahs

as we plodded through the entire first part,

each of us thumbing to the place where we’d eat –
Our stomachs rumbling, empty from starving
ourselves all day in wait.

I remember before we ate the meal – the ritual.

You used to love to break up the eggs
in the salt water. You and your sisters delighting

in remembering this family tradition.
Then at last your homemade gefilte fish, your
homemade chicken soup, your chicken, your
brisket, your potato kugel and tzimmes–

We ate until our stomachs almost burst

This year the seder table will be set

with the special plate sectioned

for charoset, bitter herbs, burnt bone,

hard boiled egg, horseradish, and salted water .
Though the food will probably not be
homemade, and I do miss your chicken soup.
Your face aglow with the steam
as you scooped out the fat.

Skimming the spoon across the bubbling
liquid until it was clear. While I hunted
for the good china, the good silver

kept under wraps to be used only

once or twice a year. I remember Dad’s
voice reassuring, gentle

and yours reminding and judgemental

telling me to use care as I
set your bird glasses, (now sitting

in (my kitchen cupboard), at each place.

Nineteen years for you
and thirty-seven for Dad

Around the seder table for all these
years there has been a space

no one can see but us,

your son and daughter
who can envision

what life would be like if

our children had grandparents. Haggadahs

copyright 2009 by Barbara Ehrentreu

A seder plate

The picture that has no caption is matzoh, the unleavened bread eaten on Passover.

Until the next time, please leave a comment or your own poem about what is missing for you.:)

Thank you to every reader and to my new friends on Blog Catalog. :)